Little Story of Anxiety, Depression and Hope (in Pictures)

As I am writing this blog for some time now, I've decided to draw my little story of depression and anxiety and share it with YOU. Now, I am not that good at drawing, but I hope I can send my message to you this way, and also the lessons I've learned.

Human Past Vs. Modern Life: A Guide for Coping with Stress

Human past was filled with dangers and it had much more life threatening situations (diseases, hunger, wild animals). However, I am convinced that the ways of the past felt much more natural and were actually healthier (no matter the death rates and tough lives of our ancestors).

Borderline Personality Disorder: Living Hell Daily

I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. However, since then I actually feel better about myself.

Why?

I always had this idea deep inside of me that I wasn't a  good person. I have hurt the ones I love too many times to have  a good opinion of myself. I knew something was terribly wrong when I couldn't control my emotions or behavior in certain situations. What I missed that all those situations were actually very similar and they were triggers.

It was a lot easier to define the state I was in once i realized many more people suffer from same condition. I wasn't a bad person,  I wasn't just someone who is over-sensitive and who can't control emotions and behavior. Now, I was defined, and more important - no, I am not a bad person I thought I am.

Personal Story: Growing Up With Social Anxiety

Growing up with social anxiety is tough in it's own specific way. Childhood years are crucial for developing social and a lot more of different skills related to social skills, and, as I was a child with severe social anxiety, I missed developing quite many of those.

As I will later find out (I will write more about it soon) my social anxiety wasn't alone. It was caused by different triggers in crucial periods of my life as I was already struggling with personality disorder that was not much visible in childhood and teen years.

When  you are a kid, you try to fit in a peer group. You desperately want to blend in and to imitate the popular kids as much as you can. If you can't imitate them, you must try to be their "bodyguard" of a kind, be always around them, doing what they tell you to, and agree with them no matter what. At least that's how I saw it. But I never quite made it. I wasn't a good imitator, nor I was a good bodyguard. I became the "quiet one" and the border between the quiet one and the weird one that anyone else rip on is very small.

Personal Story: How Much Could Anxiety be a Learned Behavior?

I've been thinking about this for some time now.

Besides the genetics and circumstances in environment, I believe there actually is a huge number of anxiety sufferers who "learned" anxiety instead of feeling it because of other known factors.

Of course I understand that anxiety as learned behavior is possibly already researched and proven to some extent, but I wanted to offer my personal story to you folks who believe that your anxiety (or depression) might be a learned behavior.

How it Feels to Have Social Anxiety

Living with social anxiety is hell. I don't remember when it started, but surprisingly, I do remember one unusual detail from my childhood. 

I was outgoing and cheerful and I enjoyed every occasion to talk to people. when I was four years old, I had no problem whatsoever to talk to strangers, go somewhere alone or ask someone to do something for me. The period when it all begun to change is a blurred line, so I don't know what could have triggered my anxiety. But I do remember this - when I was five years old, I've asked myself deep inside how would it feel like to have fear of talking to people (as I actually enjoyed talking to them). Well, what a twist of destiny.

Draw My Life: Social Anxiety

Great short video about living with social anxiety.