It's common knowledge that if we are around pessimistic people we will eventually start to feel bad. They will manage to drain our energy and leave us without a single drop of hope and will for living. If you have that kind of a friend, I guess it's all fine - you just end the friendship one way or another.
But what if this energy vampire is your colleague at work? Even worse - your spouse or someone from your family? Someone you actually live with and have no way of "running away?"
For me, it was (and still is) my mother. Even though I don't live with her, no matter how much time I spend with her I feel drained. Well, drained is a light word for that. I feel as I have no single drop of willpower, energy, blood cells - whatever, left. It's not just some old "mother-child" issue, misunderstanding, generation collision, or anything like that. She has been this way for as long as I remember.
She was always fragile, sick, she was always "the victim." What about letting your child roam free and learn to be independent? No, as you might guess by now, she was also overprotective type - one type I am sure damages the child more than verbally abusing one.
It was very hard for me to admit to myself she is the damaging type of parent. I had to accept I am an adult know and what has been done - has been done, so I can't blame her for every little flow in my personality, and I don't. What I do write about here is the present - and in present, she acts the same as always. And it makes me feel bad. I tried to cheer her up, be there for her, show her funny videos, invite for a walk, and then I realized as I had been awaken from a long, long sleep - how much energy I am using just to make her be happier. And I can't succeed and won't ever succeed - she just remains the same.
As I had a vision of her as a kind and lovely person (which she really is, technically) it was so hard for me to let go, and decide not to use my energy on trying to make her happy. Cause it never works and it never will work. One day it might work, the second day she will be her old self. There was no point.
This scenario in particular is the hardest one - when you have to let go of one or both your parents or your spouse to be happy. It's surely life's toughest, ugliest scenario and it happens. And IT'S NOT about your parent, spouse or a close one has major depressive episode and you "turn your back from them". No. These kind of people, as far as I believe, don't have a treatable mental condition, at least not clearly defined one - they have pieces of their personality that are on the wrong place, and they make whole machinery of thought process and emotions very wrong. Their condition lasts for years and decades, not for a few weeks or months, or even a few years.
What are your experiences?
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